Britain's. Next. Top. Model!
Huzzahs!It's that time again folks, prepare yourselves as the next twenty new young model hopefuls all set to take the fashion world by storm.
Except it's Week One for Lisa Snowdon's BNTM, and everyone sort of looks like they've been found wandering around Romford Market. So in order to make us realise that BNTM doesn't really care about high fashion, Lovely Lisa takes us through what the past winners (and Abi Clancy) have been up to which has been very high street and lad mag with some forays into Actual Vogue Territory.
So who have we got? Quelle surprise! Nell the posh bisexual! And a working class bisexual from Norf London to hopefully have a fling/row/competition with, thus ticking televisual boxes all over the place.
Lisa-ann crying over the trauma of holding it all together working in a supermarket. Stop crying. You know how we felt about Marjorie...
Chloe the Scouse, cousin to catalogue-friendly (and only BNTM with her own calander fact fans!) Abi Clancey.
Viola who's not vorried about her voreign accent.
Natalie who explains her personality using the words 'fake tan', 'lots of make-up' and 'hair extensions', and looks like every other girl you see shopping the high street.
Emily who doesn't think she got any GCSE's and Madelaine who shouldn't really have said that she couldn't wait to get back to her showjumping just as soon as she'd 'finished' at BNTM.
Oh, and some other people that aren't quite interesting enough just yet.
And so, with a flourish of a fanfare, Lovely Lisa Snowdon makes a low-key entrance in private tank and Private Benjamin mode. Unlike Her High Priestess Of Fieeerrcce! Miz Tyra, who would have made the whole thing look like a genuine, if not very worrying, attempt at world domination, Lovely Lisa has the grace to look like she was about to burst into giggles. We like this - as much as we adore the crazy eyed insanity that is Tyra Banks, Lisa looks more like the kind of girl you could eat macaroons and drink cocktails with.
As Lovely Lisa announces that the girls are being shipped off to Boot Camp, there are excited shreiks. Top Model Bootcamp? Why is everyone so excited? Do they not know what bootcamps are?!
SO they're bundled into army vans and carted off to an assault course where they are met by a grumpy army man. We could have sworn they were being given a dressing down by George W. Bush himself but maybe it was the cocktails...
After a quick slap to the face to restore focus, it's just some other angsty middle aged man looking for a fight. Except it was painfully obvious that the poor army man has no idea how to deal with these giggly girlies.
After watching several minutes of swinging through mud and crawling through nets etc, the point of the task is still somewhere in the mud. We think it was to show via the medium of interpretive SHOUTING how difficult this whole model business can be. Cue more trauma - their new accommodation is not as luxurious as expected! Gasp!
New judge Louis Mariette breezed in channelling a mix of Miz J, Benny Ninja and an overzealously sequnnied majorette. He introduced Q (????? - no us neither). Ooh Q. He was accompanied by some soft core porn jazz stylings and proceeded to fix a washing machine. No he didnt. He works for Ed Hardy and offered the chance to win a part in a US Ed Hardy campaign following a walk off challenge.
Argh! The walks! The walks! They're HIDEOUS! How do they get from A to B on foot? Miz J would be outraged. Have they not practiced? Have they not studied? Do they not understand that walking is a Major Part Of Being A Model?!? Jade, Annaliese and Mecia impressed the panel, Emma couldn't have looked less interested and the same went for Rebecca. Natasha had obviously skipped out on some important lessons as a toddler because she could barely string her steps together.
Q was impressed though. As were the judges. Huggy is back. Ragnarrsson not Bear unfortunately. How awesome would that be though? Huggy Bear as a judge on BNTM...
Anyway.
In a nice twist we get to see the promo shoot that Living use to promote the show. This is a nice touch. I like it. The New Model Army theme has led to some suitable glossiness. The splashing of cash on this is welcome. A criticism of BNTM in the past is that some of the photoshoots looked a little cheap, something you'd find in a low grade Sunday supplement. This though is as shiny as Lovely Lisa's hair. The only blight is that Natasha is muy annoying and diva-ish. Lovely Lisa did not like this at all....
*sigh* First accusations of eating disorders, this time levelled at Rebecca. Rebecca claims that she's just picky about her food and gets into a bit of a slanging match with Natasha about it. Rebecca wants to go home.
Thoughts so far are that Jade needs to lose her fakeass glasses. Emily doesn't understand simple instructions. None of them have properly studied their posing.
Elimination takes place via the medium of dogtags. You get one, you're in. Otherwise you must collect your belongings and go home. There seemed to be some shock that 5 girls were being eliminated but come on, it's only a 12 week show! We like our Top Model with a side helping of cruelty, and we enjoyed this immensely, particularly as the cry-a-thon was held to the stomping sounds of Kasabian's Empire. Top marks for editing!
Who left? Who cares. They were all distinctly average and hopefully some of the others will start to stand out in the coming weeks.
First photoshoot proper with Huggy centred around a wartime pin up theme for 10 of the girls. Given how prevalent pin up style has been lately, it's shocking how bad they all were.
Shot 1 - wartime pin-ups - Chloe kept it in the family with a predictably cutesy sexy shot, Rebecca gave it hardface, Hayley gave goodface, Maddy's looks divided the judges and Sophie got a good report but didn't look very modelesque to us.
Huzzahs!It's that time again folks, prepare yourselves as the next twenty new young model hopefuls all set to take the fashion world by storm.
Except it's Week One for Lisa Snowdon's BNTM, and everyone sort of looks like they've been found wandering around Romford Market. So in order to make us realise that BNTM doesn't really care about high fashion, Lovely Lisa takes us through what the past winners (and Abi Clancy) have been up to which has been very high street and lad mag with some forays into Actual Vogue Territory.
So who have we got? Quelle surprise! Nell the posh bisexual! And a working class bisexual from Norf London to hopefully have a fling/row/competition with, thus ticking televisual boxes all over the place.
Lisa-ann crying over the trauma of holding it all together working in a supermarket. Stop crying. You know how we felt about Marjorie...
Chloe the Scouse, cousin to catalogue-friendly (and only BNTM with her own calander fact fans!) Abi Clancey.
Viola who's not vorried about her voreign accent.
Natalie who explains her personality using the words 'fake tan', 'lots of make-up' and 'hair extensions', and looks like every other girl you see shopping the high street.
Emily who doesn't think she got any GCSE's and Madelaine who shouldn't really have said that she couldn't wait to get back to her showjumping just as soon as she'd 'finished' at BNTM.
Oh, and some other people that aren't quite interesting enough just yet.
And so, with a flourish of a fanfare, Lovely Lisa Snowdon makes a low-key entrance in private tank and Private Benjamin mode. Unlike Her High Priestess Of Fieeerrcce! Miz Tyra, who would have made the whole thing look like a genuine, if not very worrying, attempt at world domination, Lovely Lisa has the grace to look like she was about to burst into giggles. We like this - as much as we adore the crazy eyed insanity that is Tyra Banks, Lisa looks more like the kind of girl you could eat macaroons and drink cocktails with.
As Lovely Lisa announces that the girls are being shipped off to Boot Camp, there are excited shreiks. Top Model Bootcamp? Why is everyone so excited? Do they not know what bootcamps are?!
SO they're bundled into army vans and carted off to an assault course where they are met by a grumpy army man. We could have sworn they were being given a dressing down by George W. Bush himself but maybe it was the cocktails...
After a quick slap to the face to restore focus, it's just some other angsty middle aged man looking for a fight. Except it was painfully obvious that the poor army man has no idea how to deal with these giggly girlies.
After watching several minutes of swinging through mud and crawling through nets etc, the point of the task is still somewhere in the mud. We think it was to show via the medium of interpretive SHOUTING how difficult this whole model business can be. Cue more trauma - their new accommodation is not as luxurious as expected! Gasp!
New judge Louis Mariette breezed in channelling a mix of Miz J, Benny Ninja and an overzealously sequnnied majorette. He introduced Q (????? - no us neither). Ooh Q. He was accompanied by some soft core porn jazz stylings and proceeded to fix a washing machine. No he didnt. He works for Ed Hardy and offered the chance to win a part in a US Ed Hardy campaign following a walk off challenge.
Argh! The walks! The walks! They're HIDEOUS! How do they get from A to B on foot? Miz J would be outraged. Have they not practiced? Have they not studied? Do they not understand that walking is a Major Part Of Being A Model?!? Jade, Annaliese and Mecia impressed the panel, Emma couldn't have looked less interested and the same went for Rebecca. Natasha had obviously skipped out on some important lessons as a toddler because she could barely string her steps together.
Q was impressed though. As were the judges. Huggy is back. Ragnarrsson not Bear unfortunately. How awesome would that be though? Huggy Bear as a judge on BNTM...
Anyway.
In a nice twist we get to see the promo shoot that Living use to promote the show. This is a nice touch. I like it. The New Model Army theme has led to some suitable glossiness. The splashing of cash on this is welcome. A criticism of BNTM in the past is that some of the photoshoots looked a little cheap, something you'd find in a low grade Sunday supplement. This though is as shiny as Lovely Lisa's hair. The only blight is that Natasha is muy annoying and diva-ish. Lovely Lisa did not like this at all....
*sigh* First accusations of eating disorders, this time levelled at Rebecca. Rebecca claims that she's just picky about her food and gets into a bit of a slanging match with Natasha about it. Rebecca wants to go home.
Thoughts so far are that Jade needs to lose her fakeass glasses. Emily doesn't understand simple instructions. None of them have properly studied their posing.
Elimination takes place via the medium of dogtags. You get one, you're in. Otherwise you must collect your belongings and go home. There seemed to be some shock that 5 girls were being eliminated but come on, it's only a 12 week show! We like our Top Model with a side helping of cruelty, and we enjoyed this immensely, particularly as the cry-a-thon was held to the stomping sounds of Kasabian's Empire. Top marks for editing!
Who left? Who cares. They were all distinctly average and hopefully some of the others will start to stand out in the coming weeks.
First photoshoot proper with Huggy centred around a wartime pin up theme for 10 of the girls. Given how prevalent pin up style has been lately, it's shocking how bad they all were.
Shot 1 - wartime pin-ups - Chloe kept it in the family with a predictably cutesy sexy shot, Rebecca gave it hardface, Hayley gave goodface, Maddy's looks divided the judges and Sophie got a good report but didn't look very modelesque to us.
Shot 2 - entertaining the troops - Lauren did sex kitten, Ashley gave dead kitten, Kasey was killer kitten and Nell and Lisa-ann did well.
Shot 3 - peacenik chicks - Mecia rocked Louis' world (Mr Mariette and Lel are going to disagree bigtime), Annaliese almost concealed the fact she was sat on a giant splinter, Jade was average, and Viola rocked our world, I think she could be a serious contender. Daisy looks average in person, and looked average in print.Sel was surprised that none of the judges picked up on Kacey's porn mouth. Miz Tyra would've been straight on that.
Surprisingly, when it came down to it, Nell and Rebecca were eliminated. Rebecca wanted to go home anyway but Nell was by far the most 'fashion' of the bunch.
No matter. Next week - MIZ J. ALEXANDER!!!! There were actual squeeees at that little reveal...
Check back later for our take on the 13 girls and our early predictions for who's going to win.
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