Britain's Next Top Model: Season 5 Episode 2: The One Where The Girls Get Nekkid With Some Mangoes...

Down with Boot Camp! Huzzah for houses! It's off to London and the Top Model house which is plush. "Like a crib," says Chloe helpfully. Bless her...

There's much squealing and slapping of arses in a hot tub. Obviously. This is one of the beauties of BNTM - the girls are that bit more trashy than the Americans!

Today's first challenge was a fashion quiz, which wasn't that tricky if you've read a magazine in say, the last ten years. Turns out Ashley reckons that Vogue isn't sold anywhere in Scotland. Umhm...

So, half the girls won jewellery, and those that didn't said they didn't much like it anyway. Yeah, whatever.

Lovely Lisa Mail promised a churchly challenge with Wedding TV, a casting for a fresh new face held on the Millennium Bridge. Surrounded by people on their way to actual jobs and whatnot. Elizabeth Emmanuel, she of much hair and very little face, was to be the designer. A male model, of very little hair and much chiselled face was to play an integral part... Ooh! Kissing! And speaking!

Mecia is the one with the problem. Of course, she has a boyfriend and so can't possibly countenance the idea of kissing anyone else ever. So she does some kind of weird covering of the mouths so no kiss can be seen. Which ends up frustrating the director no end until he has enough and tells her to bugger off. Only in a slightly nicer way. Oh, now she starts crying and worrying she might have blown her chances...

Kacey wins and gets the most garish mirrored bag ever made. It is The Bag Of A Thousand Mirrors and is described as "the most beeyootiful bag in the world'.

Much much bigger squeals here from the Watch with... sofas. Miz J!!!! Miz J!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Thank God for Miz J, who fabulously appeared out of the ether to deliver a much needed Louboutin to the posterior. His impressions of the girls' walks are one of our personal highlights of the show. 'No-necked monster' is henceforth a major phrase in any sane person's vocabulary.
Lisa-ann is our new Marjorie. She cries now because she sucks at walking. Last week, it was because being a check out girl was too stressful. The world is against her, people!

Daisy boasts she's done it before and thinks everyone is jealous of her. No, Daisy, it's just that no one likes you. Sel doesn't anyway.

Getting in the naked shoot early, the girls are sent to a studio to swim around with some mangoes. It looks like a fashion twist on bobbing for apples at Hallowe'en. Except it's with mangoes and they're all naked. Which, in some houses, is probably how it goes down.

Hayley was up first and seemed very comfortable with it.

Mecia who didn't want to do kissing was absolutely fine with being nekkid. Go figure.

Ashley who's had two kids was understandably nervous about things like stretch marks but seemed to do quite well.

Madeleine is from a nekkid family apparently. Lovely. She had lots of fun rolling around in the fruitmire.

Viola worries she won't be able to understand the direction but seems to do ok. Sel is very unsure about Viola and thinks she grins like a serial killer.

Oof. Daisy and Sophie are shaping up to be complete bitches. They seem to be a bit jealous of Chloe, who then went on to really please the client by being all the cute and round cheeked loveliness that so offends Daisy and Sophie.

Sophie though was an epic fail. Pride before a fall and all that, dear...

Judging!

Hayley was deemed ok but too tense in the jaw.

Lauren looked very fake as Huggy pointed out. She's stupidly pretty but looked a bit American infomercial.

Madeleine lost her arm - where was that?! Why did no one mention it!?!? Instead, everyone cooed over it. But her arm!!!

Mecia was pulled up on the hissy fit of the commercial which was fair enough but managed to pull off a good enough photo for everyone to forget about that.

Annaliese's picture was fabulously energetic and easily Sel's favourite.

Kacey looked cute in her pic.

Sophie's photo was predictably awful.

Huggy thought Chloe's photo was a bit lad's mag soft pornesque. It wasn't really, just a bit too cute.

Louis and Huggy disagreed over Viola's photo. Viola just carried on with the demented smiling.

Jade worried that she's too slim but everyone said she produced a great shot. It was alright...

Daisy was picked by the client as having the best photo. Sel thought it was a bit meh but Lel loved it.

Lisa-ann predicatably looked very uncomfortable.

And so we were left with Lisa-ann and Sophie in the bottom 2.... Lovely Lisa pulled Lisa-ann up on her crying while Sophie was told she was a bit rubbish.

Sophie doesn't annoy everyone by crying though and got through.

Makeover week next week!!! Dramz! Huzzahs! It will be ultimate viewing, because NO-ONE out here in the real world reacts that badly to a haircut.

Who will shed the most tears? The bets are on... Let us know what you think!